Archive for September, 2010

What’s Wrong With Me Doctor?

Monday, September 27th, 2010

An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, “I feel terrible. Please examine
me and tell me what’s wrong with me.”

“Let’s begin with a few questions,” said the doctor, “Do you drink much?”

“Alcohol?” said the man. “I’m a teatotaller. Never touch a drop.”

“How about smoking?” asked the doctor.

“Never,” replied the man. “Tobacco is bad and I have strong principles against it.”

“Well, uh,” asked the doctor, “do you have much sex life?”

“Oh, no,” said the man. “Sex is sin. I’m in bed by 10:30 every night . . . always have been.”

The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, “Well, do you have pains in your head?”

“Yes,” said the man. “I have terrible pains in my head.”

“OK,” said the doctor. “That’s your trouble. Your halo is on too tight.”

With out the nots, you’re TOPS!

Friday, September 10th, 2010

Dear God:

Please untie the knots

that are in my mind,

my heart and my life.

Remove the have nots,

The can nots and the do nots

That I have in my mind.

Erase the will nots,

may nots,

might nots that may find

A home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots,

would nots and

should nots that obstruct my life.

And most of all,

Dear God,

I ask that you remove from my mind,

My heart and my life all of the  ‘am nots’

That I have allowed to hold me back,

Especially the thought

That I am not good enough.

Amen


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