Our Break Room

Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. St. Peter asked them to identify themselves.
One doctor stepped forward and said, “I was a chiropractor and I helped people get better without the use of drugs or surgery.” St. Peter said, “You may enter.”

The second doctor said, “I was a orthopedist, and I helped set broken bones.” St. Peter invited him into heaven, too.

The third applicant stepped forward and said, “I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care.” St. Peter said, “You can come in also.”

But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, “You may stay for three days. After that you can go to hell!”

A guy says, “Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking I’m getting smaller!”
Doctor replies, “Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”

1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

4. “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
“Well, It’s Not Unusual.”

5. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.

6. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

7. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

Ate.  I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

9. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says “Dam!”.

10. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

At the grocery store, I couldn’t understand why free-range eggs were more expensive than ordinary eggs. “Well, sir, think of it as being like your cell phone,” explained the checkout clerk. “They get you with roaming charges.”

(Joke contributed by Eddie Brewster From the Readers Digest)

Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before

Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What’s the definition of a will?  (Come on, it’s a dead giveaway!)
A backwards poet writes inverse.

A woman is in the delivery room in labor. Suddenly, she shouts, “Couldn’t! Don’t! Wouldn’t! Haven’t!” Her husband is startled and asked the doctor, “What’s wrong with her?” The doctor replies, “Oh nothing, those are just contractions.”

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as lumberjack, but I just could not hack it, so they gave me the ax

After that I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef – figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience.

My next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn’t fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job as working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

So I got up the nerve to apply here and after a few adjustments, feel I am back were I belong!