County Fairs are the highlight of the summer here in Wisconsin. Complete with creme puffs, cotton candy, pony rides, ferris wheels, music and family fun times.
4-H kids put a lot of time and effort into getting their projects ready for the fair. Why not show your support and check them out.
For a list of County Fairs around the state of Wisconsin, check out this link: Link
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri.”
“No, I’m sorry,” replied the bartender, “it’s a hickory daiquiri doc.”
It’s that time of year again. Gardening has begun and although it is a lot of work it can be fun and rewarding. Following some of the tips at “How to Keep Chickens” you will be the envy of the neighborhood with the fall harvest. Click here for the top 10 Organic Gardening Tips according to “How to Keep Chickens”
Does your mother have everything? Are you looking for something unique and special? Check out our Top Ten picks for unique gift ideas for the special lady in your life.
Since Seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).
ATD: At The Doctor’s
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL… CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing… And Can’t Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Potty
TTYL: Talk To You Later
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
I’ll have a different perspective next time I send a text!
Some of Ed’s favorite one-liners.
A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, “is the bar tender her?”
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, “does this taste funny to you?”
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. Their kids were nothing to look at either.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.
A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.
He couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to him.
He wondered why the boomerang kept getting bigger. Then it hit him.
He said she was average because he was mean.
Pencils could be made with erasers on both ends, but that would be pointless.
Everyone celebrates Valentine’s Day, make your office special and keep the excitement flowing.
Celebrate these upcoming events in the next week. Click here for more ideas on how to celebrate [Link]
February 15
* National Gumdrop Day
* Do A Grouch A Favor Day
* Galileo Galilei’s Birthday
* Susan B. Anthony’s Birthday
February 16
* National Almond Day
* First Check Written
* 1st Commercial Helicopter Flew
February 17
* First Canned Sardines Packaged
* Michael Jordan’s Birthday
* Championship Crab Races Day
February 18
* National Crab Stuffed Flounder Day
* Pluto Discovered
February 19
* Mr Roger’s Neighborhood Debuted
February 20
* Mardi Gras Day
* National Cherry Pie Day
* John Glenn Orbited the Earth
* Toothpick Patented
Whether you’re a die-hard sports fan or just eager to check out the commercials, no Super Bowl Sunday would be complete without friends, family and fabulous food. Celebrations has some great ideas for throwing the best Super Bowl party ever. Start planning your SB Party with their ideas, decorations, recipes and halftime games.[Link]
First Football Game
A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she like the game.
‘I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,’ she said.
‘What do you mean?’ he asked.
‘Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!’
Football Wedding
Two guys are talking about their boss’s upcoming wedding.
One says, “It’s ridiculous, he’s rich, but he’s 93 years old, and she’s just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?”
The other says, “Well, we have a name for it in my family.”
“What do you call it?”
“We call it a football wedding.”
The first asks, “What’s a football wedding?”
The other says, “She’s waiting for him to kick off!”
Empty Seat
A Denver Broncos fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Mile High Stadium, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.
The guy said, “Yes, that’s my wife’s seat. We have never missed a game since the Craig Morton days, but now my wife is dead.”
The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad that he couldn’t find some relative to give the ticket to and enjoy the game together.
“Oh no.” the guy said. “They’re all at the funeral.”
Animal Super Bowl
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the elephant?”
“I did,” said the centipede.
“Who stopped the rhino?”
“Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede.
“And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”
“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede.
“So where were you during the first half?” demanded the coach.
“Well,” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”
These are true statements: IT’S Scary out there!
1. We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, “Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.” I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, “NO, it’s not. Four is larger than two…”
We haven’t used Sears repair since.
Homer Glen, IL
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2. My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, “You gave me too much money.” I said, “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.” She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said “We’re sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing.” The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Bedford, PA
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3. I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”
From Kingman , KS .
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4. My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’ He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Daytona Beach, FL
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5. I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
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6. The stop-light on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS.
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7. I attended a “good-bye” luncheon for an old and dear co-worker. She was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing.’ Our manager commented cheerfully, “This is fun. We should do this more often.” Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that “deer-in-the-headlights” stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
Dallas, TX
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8. I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less.
~~
9. When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “It’s open!” His reply, “I know. I already got that side.”
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS.
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I love this one!:
10. When I left Hawaii and was transferred to FL, I still had the Hawaiian plates on my car, as my car was shipped from Hawaii . I was parking somewhere (I can’t remember) and a guy asked me “Wow, you drove from Hawaii to here?” I looked at him and quickly said “Yep. I took the Hawaii/San Francisco Bridge.” He nodded his head and said “Cool!”
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us… and they VOTE… and they REPRODUCE…!!
